You're the only love I know

There is no turning back now.

Im laying in dark silence next to you as you breathe a peaceful rythm called sleep.

We had a long weekend, a beautiful one.
I feel the richness that I predicted, leapt into with blind faith.

Our walls are pretty bare and this is just a mattress on a floor
But it's all because of love
We're here because of love

I loved you since the moment we met
And now I still feel it growing....and it surprises me.
Surprise will replace fear
And excitement will come with surprise
All turning into joy

Joy, love, Christmas in July.

"You are your mother's only one, but it's enough....

....sky is womb.....and she is the moon" - Bon Iver

your insanity is like a monster that attacks me in the dark


ill listen to you tell me to die
but ill live.


my light is more like a million candles lit, i see them outside the window now....filling up everything around me, taking me away from this place you put us in


that comes from a place i put us in
that comes from a place you put me in
that comes from a place i followed you to
that comes from a place i used to live in
that comes from a place i went to escape you
that comes from a dark monster inside you
that comes from love and fear

you were abandoned............but it was never your fault.

i hope you cry

and i'm going to stop feeling bad for enjoying my life

because we are only human

and god can't help you now

only your own tears

it could all mean so many different things.

$UMMERTIME; TREA$URE ON THE $HORE$

i did

this to myself.

How to be cool.

When we were young, my straight A brother asked me "how do u get cool?"

Well hey that's cool I get invited to the places all the cool kids are going, that's cool that's cool. But really, it's cool and I'm cool and I've done cool stuff to be cool and only now can I say that yes, I really did want to be cool because now, yes, I really don't need it anymore. The biggest tragedy is that it is not tragic and the cOol kids think it is. Because the things I find fulfilling are tragic when you're cool. But.......I'm loving all the things I used to fear. I am cool enough, though, to acknowledge that "the cool kids" are me myself and I just criticizing each other because of the pure shock that after so long just working at being cool....it's not nearly what matters. I keep trying, lately, to continue to enjoy the chase of cool. Alas, at the mere middle of the night, I want to go home and watch a movie in my sweatpants with an uncool tag and an uncool fit. Life got better when I dropped cool. And for understanding that, I feel very very cool ;)

like i never knew me at a-a-all all.

ive said goodbye to the things that used to make my heart tick

ive packed away so many things and only carry what is necessary

to go to work and make money to talk to people who pay the money

i put on a show for them because it is what makes me money and

money is what i need

i smiled so much because i thought this was what would make me smile

then i stopped smiling in what felt like two seconds after i started

after too long waiting to smile and you waiting for me to smile

because you told me that it is not okay

that i am not okay and you have told me many times before

that what i do is not okay for you

but when you say that i am not okay

i am not okay

making my heart tick is all i really knew it is what i grew up with

because what else should there really be but

i decided i was wrong and felt ashamed once i realized

following what makes my heart tick got me no money and

money is what we need

i have diminished so much from my life in order to be with you

and yet i can not fully be with you not with my whole body

and you deserve my whole body or none of it at all

without you my body goes to whoever whenever wherever

and my soul is alone sad scared lost not making money and

i am not okay