I am tired of everything being so purposeful.

I WANT to look around and feel overwhelmed with emotion. I WANT to see a corner of a wall and stare into the paint chip while i listen to the note of a deeply overwhelming song and fall into it with all of my body.

What does it take to be continuously moved?

What lifestyle do I need to cultivate to capture that?

All i ever have is questions.

sit and listen to me, it's all i want in life.

an audience.

Great peace and Sweet blood in the sky

Lunar eclipse in Gemini is creating a magnificent pull between the sun and moon, leaving us in the middle. I feel the sigh of relief, the build up since july has finally let go.

Our relationship took a hit so hard, I thought it was done.

I

really

thought....

I don't know what I thought.

I'm sorry.

____________________

Can we start again?

.................hanging my head in shame, I am humbled and human.

Passion overcame me, the creative drive has taken me over and

I will not let go now. We are taking a big breath like the visual

of a living breathing human chest seen from the side, vital and

you are the one who gives me air. I snapped in half, my love, I

snapped us painfully.

_______________________________________________

this is a mess that is okay.

It's Okay.

Listen and heal. Listen and heal. Listen and heal.

i often want to delete facebook. just be devoted to my blog. who cares who i am?


unfortunately, i do.

Boston

"this is the anthem for the rebel of my youth,

this is an anthem for the risk of loving you"

i have a couple questions

1. where were you when i was there?

2. where am i now?

3. where in the world are we going????????????????

this is a bubble called home



that supports every dream i've ever had since i was small
no matter how big or small
always food to nourish me, people to tell me it's ok or at least just make me feel like it is with their presence
winter coats filling the closets and grass for my bare feet in the summer
help when it is needed
but still space to think and imagine

i will rebuild it for myself one day.
but for now, it's just a bubble i visit once in a while....reluctant to leave.

the treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees. ohhhhhhh the trees...........

What life consists of right now does not depict what life consists of.

But why are there feelings and memories that, at first, i just could not let go of? Things that ate me alive...not being able to letting go of them ate me alive.

Now, I can't find them.

Will I have to recreate them? Will I have to relive them? I'm afraid I won't be able to.

I don't know what it feels like to lose a loved one, to have an empty nest, to face a life-threatening illness, to struggle through addiction, to go to war, to go through divorce, to lose a child, to be abandoned, to have a handicap, to be robbed, or to have a disorder.

How do I classify the things I do know? What audience do I reach to....and how do I show them how I've felt?

There is a river that runs through me.
It touches every one of these things I can not explain
and I am unfamiliar with where it starts or where it ends
If only I could see them, maybe I could express them
I know I can not control them....

How do you conquer the present
in such a way
that you will never regret not doing so when nostalgia hits?

When I find the answers, my art will mean something again.

white space

the lives that give me life are all here to help me through it, nothing but that. nothing but love.

there is true passion behind everything i do. there is true love in my heart and my home. 

this time is a struggle, but there is beauty in the world.

avere la speranza. la chiave alla vita

Whoever I am,

I want to feel and I want to lead and really be of importance. I don't know what to do with my passion, energy, intelligence, drive, boredom. I feel I have literally dumbed myself down in order to get by every day. Getting somewhere does not have to do so much with following the path that was laid out in front of you but more with really using your brain for every decision life presents to you. I actually am not quite sure what the key to life is. I know my back says it's hope. Maybe it still is hope....maybe the key to life is really just hope.

Love.