although i don't know

i don't know where i want to be

i just know it's somewhere between the grass & trees, the city & the clouds, some water & some peace...

if i could have an empty space on the earth...id place it there and make it near my family. i'd make it near life & i'd make it easy to escape from but also back to.

i'm not sure i want anyone to be able to find me

but i want them all there when i snap my fingers.

i want to build my life inside my own space where it feels like home....

but i want to travel & roam...

keep the things i've aquired - physical and mental....reflect but always move forward.

it's hard to decide between consistancy and excitement. if you're reading this......you're someone i want to keep informed.

it's not fair for me to come & go...i know. but your acceptance of it is sometimes what the tattoo on my back refers to.




avere la speranza.....


la chiave alla vita.

pause sleep @ 5am, blog be my friend

n who got u into the whole blog thing?

who got you into astrology?

who got you thinking so twisted up like me....

but in a pretty way? me.

it's ok. i don't want credit. cus it's sorta just a curse. i don't want you to drop what you're doing for my very very random reaching out...



let me light a cigarette.





if i chose this path a hundred times it's because now i've accepted the path choosing me....
if i've told you over and over the way i see the world and us in it....it's not because i'm trying to make excuses for my drastic hellos and goodbyes....

and although i always knew i loved your eyes
(and hated your guts so many times)
you're STILL the only one i look back at and am instantly mesmorized.


i'll never try to frantically pick up everything i threw astray....which is alot, to say the least
again.
and i'd never expect you to reopen your door to my nonsensical lifestyle
because even i know now....that i'm impossible, so difficult, so unattainable
but if anyone's attained me yet, it's the boy down the hall with the skateboard.

i'm proud of you.
if that's stupid, so be it.
but i'm also proud of me
and i know you are too

i want to tell this all to you
cus i'm great at closing my heart and i've been doing it for months now
just not when it comes to you



cigarette's out.



so let her keep the picture on the wall
if for no other reason than it being a great picture.

and when you're married with kids and a big house and five dogs and a giant kitchen like you've always wanted.......i'll still be proud of you, and the picture will still be great.


there's no one else i'd tell this to but you.
and for now this random space in the millions of internet pages.....is the safest way to relay it.


blame the planets for my fleeting sensitivity
cus you know me
i'll be back in space tomorrow
and return to being just a memory.



:)